4 years = 1,460 days

Tonight I am sitting here pondering how long 4 years is...it's 1,460 days.
A lot can happen in 1,460 days...

1,460 days ago the man that I had been married to for 6 years walked out of the family home, never to return.
He has his version of the separation and divorce journey and I have mine - and only God knows the absolute truth.

What I have come to know is this...God is good, He is faithful, His love never fails, He will never leave me or forsake me, He will never run out on me, He loves me for me, I am precious in His sight, I am the apple of His eye, He longs to dance with me, He is continually wooing me unto Himself, He has my best interest on His heart, I am important to Him, I am His & He is mine...and more.

This is not text-book understanding to me...I KNOW it.
I have had to lean in to know it for myself so that I didn't completely fall apart.
I have had to seek Him for the absolute truth so that I didn't lose the plot.
I have had to let Him love me when I felt unlovable.
I have had to choose Him...daily.

Some days out of those 1,460 have been easier than others, but all that suggests is that some of those 1,460 days have been harder too.

I have been lonely some days...but never alone.
I have felt lost some days...but never have been.
I have questioned everything...and some days I still do.

One thing that I know for sure.

I am altogether lovely to Him.

That revelation has taken time, effort, prayer, choice, counseling, encouragement, challenge, trust and love.

But...here I sit tonight - more healed and whole than I have ever been, at a greater level of peace than I have ever known, living at a deeper level of freedom than I have ever known and more radically in love with Jesus than ever before.

By choice.

I am grateful for His great love.
I live by it.

I am lost in Him...no place I'd rather be.

Grateful that 1 day in His courts is better than 1,000 elsewhere.

Loved,
Lovely.
His.

another level of redemption.

6 weeks ago a lovely random lady walked in to Hope Haven while the team were meeting one morning (and we were certain that we had locked the door!) looking for a ladies bathroom.

We welcomed her & showed her the bathroom (where words of life & truth are written all over the mirror!) and while she was in there I gathered up a mini booklet & some brochures and stuff!

She came out & said, "thank you! I'm at the church next door for a funeral & needed the bathroom...who is this 'Hope Foundation'?

Of course...I gladly told her! She then said, "do you do public speaking?" I excitedly said - "yes, I do!". She proceeded to tell me that she runs a women's group & they meet once a month for lunch in the city & she would love me to come & speak one day.

I hear that a lot, so I gave her my card and that was it...

3 weeks ago she called me saying the Lord Mayor had been booked for November but needed to change it to December & could I do it instead!

So...today I spoke for 50 women aged 50+ and an exclusive gentlemans club in the city.

Today God redeemed another broken fragment of my heart.

All because a precious lady needed a loo & she (like I!) didn't want to by-pass the "connection for a reason" moment!

You see, 15 years ago i entered that same club, for a private function...as a sex worker.

Today i entered that club free and expectant for God to do an even deeper healing work inside of me. And He did.

I left that club today an even freer woman than I was when i had walked in.

I'm awed at the depth of His love.
I'm shocked at the variety of layers of pain that He so sweetly broke through today.
I'm loved.
I'm His.
I'm free....

My healing is in His hands, in His timing, by His stripes.

Still processing...had to share.

Faithful God.

3 November 2011